Sometimes It Feels Like (Somebody’s Watching Me)

I am watched.  Constantly.   Three miniature spies peek into every crevice of my life, processing it all behind innocent (appearing) eyes.  And they have developed some sort of radar system between the three of them that sounds the alarm whenever I’m having a moment that most people* would consider private (*most people does not include moms, because we all know that the moment your child is born there is no longer any such thing as privacy).

Take, for instance, potty time.  We all have it.  We all need it.  Some people even get to use it as a respite from the day (ahem, dudes that take twenty minutes “going to the bathroom” when we all know they’re just sitting there playing on their iPhones).  But not me.  Every SINGLE time I go near a toilet, my three year old follows behind me.  This is our daily dialogue:

C: “Whatcha doin’?”

Me: “Going to the bathroom.”

C: “Why?”

Me: “Because I need to.”

C: “I want to watch you.”

Me: “No, Mommy needs privacy.”

C: (louder) “But I want to watch you!”

Me: “No, please let Mommy have a few minutes to potty.  Go play.”

C: (even louder) “I WANT TO WATCH YOU!”

After a few minutes of battle, she reluctantly wanders off.  I breathe a sigh of relief and sit in silence, until……

Pitter patter pitter patter

A little face appears at my knees.

C: “Whatcha doin’?”

Me: “Pottying”.

C: “Oh.  I want to watch you!”

Apparently “watching me” do anything private – especially going to the bathroom, showering, and, for some strange reason, taking out my contacts – is far more fascinating than anything in the world, including Toy Story, and she LOVES Toy Story (and believe me, I’ve tried to trick her into watching Toy Story so I can shower in private.  It doesn’t work.  The shower always wins).

I remember watching an episode of The Tonight Show where Jay Leno asked Dustin Hoffman what was the first thing he did when he officially became an empty nester.  His answer?  He took a shower, and stayed in for as long as he wanted.

Well, shower (and toilet) – it seems we have a rendezvous in about eighteen years.

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4 thoughts on “Sometimes It Feels Like (Somebody’s Watching Me)

  1. Funny. My children (5&70 are no longer that interested in what my wife are doing. My wife however does seem to lock the bathroom door incredibly fast though. Anyway, I think you got a shot at some private bathroom time sooner than you think. Hang in.

  2. I love this…it is so true, it nearly brings me to tears! With boys, they are fascinated for a whole different reason, but we won’t go there because I am sure you are able to figure out exactly what I am missing that they are mesmerized by! Today at Target, I know the woman in the next stall got a good giggle when Sam announced at the top of his lungs “Wow, you have a LOT of pee, Mommy!”….one of those times when you hope the public restroom empty when you finally emerge from your stall…red faced, out of breath & finally able to begin your shopping. 😉

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